We’ve all had those weeks where life is put on hold so that the greater good of the “to-do list” can be knocked down. But then the squirrels start to go rabid since they aren’t flexing their collective muscles during this time because you’re too busy doing other things… and well, sleep is nearly non-existent… yeah… It’s been an interesting week.
Improvements…
Once upon a time, a doctor built a house for his loving wife on the outskirts of a quaint southern town in north Georgia. The year was 1966, and when this house was built, it was the largest in the neighborhood, with the latest of modern conveniences. The doctor’s wife was happy and content to be squirreled away in her modern kitchen, attending to her family and their guests.
Fast forward 52 years. The house is still the largest in the neighborhood, especially after we added 1,000 sqft to the back of it. The modern conveniences have come, gone and shifted around multiple times, but the top of the line windows from the late 60’s (single pane aluminum), now leak like sieves, don’t close all the way and you either have to fight to open them or pray they don’t fall out of the track while you open them. So we broke down and got new windows. Which happen to be very large windows for the most part and there are lots of them in this house. $$$$$ Warning to anyone out there that are thinking about becoming a homeowner. There is nothing cheap about replacing windows. 🙁
Now in order for the installers to be able to reach all of the windows, our bed had to be moved. Not an easy task since it is a waveless waterbed and weighs nearly 1,000 lbs when the tubes are fully filled. Then on top of that, considering it had been eleven years since it had been moved, we feared the wrath of the dust bunny colony that had taken up residence beneath it.
In the process of moving, deep cleaning and getting new windows we figured, hey! Let’s go ahead and paint the bedroom while we’re at it.
And it was so… But not without a cost. During this time, with no water in the tubes, myself and the Misses had to crash on the couch until it could all be put back together.
I have a love/hate relationship with that couch. While I love it for the fact that it is a very large sectional that we picked up for cheap, it may be comfortable enough for afternoon naps, but not good to sleep on for days on end.
Dust bunny colony had been razed, painting complete, windows installed and bed put back together. All in all not a horrible experience, but the lack of sleep during the week made the squirrels a bit on the cranky side because they didn’t get their writing time in.
squirrels…
Now to off set the creative balance, I generally have multiple conversations going on during any given day. And sometimes those conversations turn into something interesting, which we’ll get to in just a little bit so that you, (all two of my readers) may get a glimpse of “The Mistress”. My good friend and coworker, Ashtin is wonderful at helping the evil squirrels contain their sanity in times of need. I took the original email conversation smoothed and adjusted bits as needed and tossed together a short little story that I think you will enjoy. It will be attached to the end of this post as well as I’ll post it up by itself on the site.
Other than that, we have many other squirrels working their magic and helping to create content for upcoming videos, promo items, and just story ideas to be used at a later date. One such thing is a promo video that I’m working on for the release of my space opera, fLUX Runners. In parallel to the video that I am working on, my cover artist, Brendan Smith, is working on the main release video for the novel. I have gotten permission from a number of bands/musicians to use tracks, which is freaking awesome!
Now, as for the video, renderings, and software that Brendan is using, here’s a little quote from him explaining what he’s working with.
Brendan Smith
This video is being made in the same professional software that was used in Firefly and BSG. Plus the additional software and plug-ins that are used in major science fiction TV shows like Star Gate (all versions) and most other good shows on SYFy channel and Netflix. etc. But these are the basic of 2 software packages still used for the base
I can’t say enough good things about his work. He has taken my original ideas of these ships and breathed even more life into them. It amazes me.
reading…
As time has allowed between everything else on my plate, I have actually had some time to read lately. It’s not much, a little here and there. But it’s something, ya know. And it isn’t reading for the sake of editing and bleeding on for my cohorts. If you like anything Douglas Adams or Terry Pratchett, especially the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, then by all means, check out John Drake and his books Making Man and Cheating Death. The more that I read of Making Man, the more that I’m loving it.
The mistress…
Just below this, you’ll dive into the world of the Mistress. Fair warning it is a random tangent down a long rabbit hole that you may not be able to climb out of… But you have been warned.
Magnanimous stared out from the large observation windows of the lair’s board room. He watched workers below go about their daily duties of maintenance in the decades-old facility. From his overlook, he could see most of the comings and goings in the large open bay. But none of the workers could see through the one way mirrored surface of the large windows.
Pressure hissed from the hermetically sealed airlock. The Mistress stepped from the airlock before the thick steel casing had completed its rotation, allowing entry into the room.
“What are we going to do today,” Magnanimous, the leader of this villainous band asked? “I want to make this day epic!” He angrily shook his fist toward the heavens.
“We could take over the world,” she simply suggested.
“Hum…But how?” He tapped a finger lightly against the side of his nose. “But if we do this, we must use a theme for the epic take over of the world!”
“I vote that we theme the take over by whatever country we happen to be in at the time. Like a giant Disney land, but without the hitler style leadership.” She pushed the tails of her leather jacket out of the way as she took a seat at head of the large boardroom table that dominated the room and propped her stiletto booted feet on the table and leaned back in the large leather office chair. “We would finally have a reason to use the giant death laser, or would you prefer to use the brain wipe transducer?”
“I don’t know about using the transducer,” he said. “I heard they are finicky. But it could just be a matter of settings.”
“It could just be a matter of settings,” she replied. “We could use it to wipe and implant the commands that we want or we can turn it up to eleven and melt them into organic slushies.”
“Hmmm,” he hummed. “The potential of a mass mind wipe and implant could be fun. Ooo…I’ve got it!” He snapped his fingers. “How about the world’s largest nude group twerk?”
She scrunched her face at the mental image. “That sounds horrifying, but to truly enjoy it, we would need to return everyone to normal just to see their reactions. The idea does have potential.” Her gaze drifted upward as she slipped into deep thought. “While we are implanting thoughts, I would like to send everyone back to the 1950’s. We could cut out all major technology, end sexism and racism. Then get everyone in their underclothes and black socks to do some 50’s style group dancing.” She let out a deep, maniacally insane sounding laugh.
“But…,” Magnanimous started, then stopped in thought. “What about the late 60’s? We could program the world to believe it is as Woodstock and the world would be such a better place. We could make it all about love, not war,” he crooned.
Her eyes bulged as she gasped with realization. “That’s the beauty of it. We can instigate the 60’s, 70’s, 80’s or any other era that we want!”
“Let’s skip the 90’s though,” he said. “Everyone could do without the 90’s.”
“But there were so many great things during the 90’s! Furby, Tamagotchi’s, hilarious boy bands, Will Smith,” she said with dreamy excitement.
“Alright, fine. Just so long as we can leave out Hammer pants and Vanilla Ice.”
“Agreed! Maybe we can help MC Hammer to not become destitute?” She hummed to herself in thought.
“What?”
“It’s just that Hammer dance is so freaking hilarious. Just the same as we’d be laughing at the disco queens of the 70’s and 80’s,” she said.
“Well there’s a thought. With all of the vikings things on TV, what if we could go back to the 800’s and join in the fun of raids and plunder?”
She suddenly leapt to her feet, her stiletto heels clicking on the tiled floor. “So you wanna use the time machine? If we’re going to use it then I want to go way back. We could use it to defeat the friggin English or maybe save them,” she said questioningly. “We could go back before christianity convinced everyone that world domination was the best thing before sliced bread. We could save the original English religion, the Germanic tribes, help the frigging Russians and save the Native Americans from wholesale slaughter!” She panted as she gasped for breath.
“Wait,” Magnanimous said with a quirky stare. “We have a time machine? Why don’t I know these things? I’m the freaking emperor ain’t I? Hmm, emperor… no… that doesn’t sound right.. Lord… no… ruler… no… hm… Majest…no again… I don’t know.”
“We have not agreed on any titles.” She glared at him. Rage seethed just below the surface, ready to explode. She took a deep breath. “Also, yes, we have a time machine. Do you even look at the inventory reports?”
“Gah!” Magnanimous pounded both fists onto the massive table. “Why doesn’t anyone tell me these things? How can I be an evil genius without trusting others to inform me of the important bits? And for your information, I figured it was about time that I claimed a title before anyone else could take the best one for themselves. Hmmm, oh now there’s a thought. El Capitan? No… still not on the mark.”
She fumed with anger. The deep lacey v of her silky red blouse heaved with the rise and fall of her overly ample bosom. He shook his head and pulled himself out of deep thought. “So if we have a time machine in storage, what else do we have down there? I have to admit, it’s been years since I have been to the lower levels. I really didn’t even go down there in the first place when we moved in. I figured one of the henchmen would take care of anything necessary down there.”
“How can anyone tell you anything if you don’t read the reports?” Her shouted words reverberated off of the bare concrete walls of the room. “Also, for the last time, I am not your henchwoman, nor your sidekick. We agreed to equal partnership, which there aren’t real titles for.” She took a deep, calming breath. “So, for now, let’s agree to table that. Have you been going around telling everyone that you’re the new emperor?” She glared across the table at Magnanimous.
“Are you kidding? Who has time for reports when I’m busy trying to take over the world? And you want to talk about equal? When exactly were you going to equally allow me to interrogate the prisoners and program them? How do I know you haven’t been making them drink your brand of kool-aid and at a simple command they could launch themselves at me? Hu? Hu? How am I supposed to know that? Hu?”
She flopped herself back down into the chair at the head of the table.
“And so what if I wanted to be emperor,” Magnanimous shouted. “Wouldn’t that be cool? Or Chief, or um… how about greatest of holy commanders?”
“Oh, hooo, so it’s you all by yourself is it?” She angrily crossed her arms and looked away out the large windows. “And how are we supposed to put you in charge if you can’t be trusted to read the reports?” She turned her burning gaze back toward Magnanimous. “You’ve said before that you didn’t want to bother with the menial work or I’m too busy right now, you said. Ha! I know what you were really doing all those times that something important needed done. You’ve been designing a palace, haven’t you?”
She cocked her head to the side and smiled. Slowly, she rose from her seat and began to make her way around the table toward Magnanimous. “And of course I placed contingency plans in their heads. Many contingencies. What if one of your little alien buddies planed a worm in your brain and you go bananas on me? Am I just supposed to let that fly? No,” She shouted. “They have orders to restrain you while I get the brain sucker to wash you.” She stood defensively before him, with a teasing waggle of her hips. “C’mon, what kinda two bit operation do you think we’re running here?”
He huffed, unblinkingly staring at her.
“And for the last time,” she continued, “greatest can’t be in any of the titles. Having great in your title automatically makes you not. Other people have to grant those kinds of things. Remember, like a nickname.” She grabbed him by the shirt and forcefully pushed him away from the table. “But for real though, make a move against me and they will drop you like that,” she said with a snap of her fingers.
Magnanimous started blankly at her. “But snookie bear…”
“Don’t you snookie bear me,” she whispered loudly. “I told you not to call me that in front of people. It makes me seem less scary.”
“But…”
She cocked her head with that don’t even think about it look.
“Ah ha! I’ve got it! Snookie bear needs a long soak in the hot tub! I can have the minions put those essential flower oils in there that you love so much.”
She sighed. “While one, that does sound like a good idea and I could finish reading the reports in there. Two,” She flicked out two fingers, “seriously? You can’t keep calling people minions.” She strode around the table and leaned against the back of the head chair. “Everyone voted that they prefer to be called henchwomen and henchmen. You can’t keep doing this, Magnanimous. This is exactly why Brenna and Mich quit. No one liked to feel lessened. Not the people we hire, the ones we artificially created, or the ones we cloned. Our HR department is just getting going and I do not want to hear another complaint! We do not need another strike, especially after the last time!”
“Hu, that’s a thought,” Magnanimous said.
“What,” she growled.
“I was thinking about those essential oils. Aren’t they just the squeezed juices from plants? So if we were at war with plants, we could capture and torture them while collecting their bodily fluids and you could technically bathe in the blood of our enemies without all of the actual mess of blood everywhere.”
She rolled her eyes with a sigh. “I’m going to finish the reports in the bathing room.”
“I declare war upon the heretic plants in the name of my snookie bear!”
Unmoving, she blankly stared at Magnanimous. “Even if that does sound bat shit crazy at least you’re on the right train of thought here. But we kinda need those plants. They provide oxygen and food. Two very important things.
“But…”
“No, let me finish.” She jabbed a finger in his direction. “Here’s what we do. Instead of attacking random plants for heresy, which face it, would take all of them down. Let’s instead declare war on kudzu. It’s a murderous evil plant that chokes out all other native species. If we take out the kudzu, then we could win favor with the other plants that we want to remain allies with.”
“Minions! Attack the kudzu!”
“So that’s what we do now? We just blindly attack the kudzu? We aren’t good enough to plan it?” She crossed her arms and sighed. “This is why we took away your death laser the last time. You have to have a goal and a plan for that goal. Not just randomly attack.”
“But what about bathing in the juices of your enemy,” Magnanimous asked. “We have to capture the Kudzu, interrogate and torture it before you can have your bloody bath.”
“Exactly. All of that requires meticulous planning. Now recall those damned minions!
“Are you kidding,” he scoffed. “They have been so looking forward to a raid. You can’t deny them. Think of Josh. He’s been so beside himself lately. Unsure if being a minion was his true calling or not.
“You just sent them out blindly! No direction, no area of search. They just scattered to the winds.” She shoved the chair aside. “How do you think Josh is going to feel when he fails? Do you think he’s still going to want to be your right hand minion?”
“He’ll be fine, Snookie Bear. You should have seen the smile on his face when I told them to go. Let them have some fun for a change. It isn’t often that they get to get out of the lair. It’s been a long, cold winter. Let them enjoy the sunlight for a bit.”
She glared at him. “Stop calling me that in front of people! I am to be called, Mistress!” She turned to walk away, then suddenly stopped. She looked back over her shoulder toward Magnanimous. “Just make sure to call them back before dark.”
“Yes Snook….Um…Mistress.”
“Thank you…Sir Emperor.” She smiled, then continued toward the bathing room with an ample sashay as she walked.
Keep your head up and your pens sharp
~WJR~
The Hammer Dance…. That made my laugh! You are 2 legit to quit!